Bikini ~ it is all in the mind

I was about 15 years old when I wore a bikini, it was back in the eighties before skin cancer and in the days of baby oil, and for me, the days of burnt skin till blister point.  We knew no better back then.

Today my togs/swimmers/bathers (for me they are togs but take your pick) were still not cleaned from the last day in the water. Surely Jason will get his shit together soon and go back to caring for the house (househusband with some more learning to do).  Here I was craving a day in the beautiful sunshine, with the promise of a 28 degree day all looked positive.  This morning I had wored out and Brooke had said she was headed to the beach, splendid, I would love that too, got home and Miss 10 suggested the beach, the stars were aligned, time to go to Kings Beach, Caloundra (quite frankly one of the most beautiful in the world and I have seen a few) BUT no togs. What to do?????  It was time for some truths in my life.

1. fatter people than me wear bikinis (just saying, their choice, no judgement)

2. younger people than me are not as muscular or healthy looking as me and they wear bikinis

3. older, browner, wrinkler people wear bikinis (my husband reminded me of that)

4. sunblock cares for your skin and we are past the days of burns and blisters

5. nothing is really holding me back except my own self image

It is a strange realisation, I can go swimming, I can wear what I like, no one actually cares.  I dont have to be thinner, muscular, younger, browner……..I can just be me.

There photos were taken today at King’s Beach, and dont worry, the flab is not lost on me, I see it, it is not fat, it is the flab left behind when the fat is gone.  I have that problem, most do when they go from size 24 to size 12.  I could have fixed it, I didn’t have to show this image but you know what, wearing a bikini is all the mind, when am I ready?  will I be ready? do I have the perfect body shape yet?  OR am I ok with who I am?

I am ok with who I am, I am the best version of myself with what I have right now.  I am 46 years old with four children.  I run 10ks, I lift weights, I box, I can hold a wall sit for 6 minutes, I can run 1k in under 5minutes, I astound myself with my fitness.  I have nothing to be ashamed of!

Perfectionism

Perfectionism is, in psychology, is a belief that perfection can and should be attained. In its pathological form, perfectionism is a belief that work or output that is anything less than perfect is unacceptable.  Perfectionism might sound like an admirable trait, but it’s often a cause of anxiety, depression and ruptured relationships.  I can tell you it is really stressful to be a perfectionist and tiring.

I have to say it, I have an issue with perfectionism.  I avoid failure by avoiding doing, sadly my husband does too.  Ouch.

As I was mucking around with my friend Diet Schmiet dietschmiet.wordpress.com talking about getting control back and racing her to loose 1kg by Wednesday weigh in I was struck by the fact that that is two days away AND if I loose I will feel dreadful and want to drown my pain and if I win I will want to celebrate (more than likely with liquorice).  So if I cant do it properly, with injury and all, why bother at all.  And that is the cry of the perfectionist.  If I cant do it right why bother.  Things become unbearably overwhelming.  Loosing weight at this point is overwhelming as I have lost so much the last five kilos are so freaking hard I have gained weight so I do not sit in my last five kilos, should be easier.  What the fuck am I thinking.  Where the hell does that head space come from.

Now if you want to see a true procrastinating perfectionist come on over, the house is in CHAOS (as flylady says that is Cant Have Anyone Over Syndrome).   If you are having this problem due to your perfectionism go visit this clever lady at http://www.flylady.net/  She has helped me to realise, and here is a biggy, JUST JUMP IN WHERE YOU ARE, which is not exactly what we are supposed to do with weight loss but with both weight loss and perfectionism you do need to set up routines.  Exercise has to be part of the daily routine or it gets left out AND if you are truly to be organised you do need to plan those meals.  So, here is the thing perfectionism gets in the way, you stop giving things a go, you stop trying, you are too worried about what others will say or think and everything seems so hard.

Tips for the perfectionist:

1) Define a goal

2) Break it down to managable parts

3) Plan plan plan your day/week to complete each part.  Never take on more than you can chew (little bits at a time is better than nothing at all)

4) Give yourself permission to fail and recognise that sometimes there is no right or wrong.

5) Reflect on failure and success (at work I call this reflective practice and I help others go through the process because I see the value – for others!)

6) And if it is possible try to recognise the beauty in inperfection.  So many of us are not perfect but we are beautiful, some from the inside out.

Now you can put this strategy into any part of your life, weight loss, fitness levels, housecleaning, parenting, anything. 

OMG I love what I have come up with, I wonder if I can do it too?