Out of the Mouths of Babes

I have to share a special ‘oh my’ moment with you.  It was a bit of a shocker I must say.

I took my Miss 11 to the gym with me today as she had missed her swimming lesson so I thought she would enjoy a swim with me on my day off.  It was nice.  20+ laps for me and 5×20 squats, pushups, butterfly situps and reverse crunches.  It is a massive workout for me.  Miss 11 enjoyed having the pool mostly to herself and she practiced her arms and legs.

At the end, when we were sitting on the side we decided to do some fast kicking.  Miss 11 said “I cant, it hurts” and I replied “Dont say I cant, you are choosing not too”.  And then she did which was pretty cool and I felt like a great mum.

We sat on the edge and drank some water before getting out.  And I said to Miss 11 “I dont know why I bother because I cant loose the damn weight anyway” and she quickly replies “Dont say I cant, you are choosing not too”.  OMG, really?  Why did she have to be right and why did I have to be the one to give her those words?  It didn’t stop there.

Last night her dad had bought icecreams, oh yes back to that after promising it would stop.  There were heaps of them and when we got home I gave Miss 11 one and ate one myself.  Then we had lunch and then we had another icecream and Miss 11 says “Why are you wasting all your hard work from this morning?”  Seriously!  I mean seriously?!?!?  Who is raising this child?  Certainly not the obese person that was!  But definitely the one struggling with the flabby tummy and the last five – nine kilos.  My weight is so up and down between 74 and 79 kilos it is ridiculous.

I needed to share!  So just remember when you want to give up “Dont say I cant, you are choosing not too”.

Big Hairy Audacious Goal!

Last round I was plagued by injury until the final crunch, I was diagnosed with an arthritic knee.  My goals were no longer achievable in the current form.  I was devastated.  I put on a couple of kilo while I waited for my body to heal.  I really thought I would be running into my 90s.  Alas, this is not to be.  My goal to carry the weight I had lost was no longer achievable, my half marathon run not possible.  I was miserable.  Where to from here.

OK, well at the time I thought this was not going to be that bad.  I was trying to get excited about something else, a different goal, I was going to become a ‘walker’.  Oh yeah, sounds exciting doesn’t it.  What if I threw in a ‘marathon walker’, I mean why the bloody hell not.  I am not dead afterall, I just cant run.  It has taken a while for this to gel in my head.  A few things helped:

1. I met my long time 12wbt friends Karen and Susie who suggested just picking a few things to sign up to and concentrating on those. 
2. I am meeting up with these wonderful ladies along with our dear fellow 12wbt training buddy Kimberley and they will help me stay true to my goals.  Because that is what friends do.
3. I commited to not trying to ‘get to everything’ but concentrate on the most important part of this transformation – ME!  Not selfish just ready to finish transforming and I need to concentrate on me for that.
4. My family bought me a Christmas Present – a membership to Goodlife which allows me to adapt my training and concentrate on the ‘strong’ part of Lean and Strong.  The Lean part is going to have to come from clean eating.
5. I got stuck into my Cozi Calendar which allows me to put in everyones appointments including my gym times and it lets me do some meal planning.  It is very clever, it even has ‘to do’ lists.  If only the family would ‘to do’ them!
6. I looked for some ‘walks’ I could train for on the net today.
7. I understand that the gym classes I want to do may move around, I can make that work as needed, I understand that I need to get my weight training done at least 3 times a week on alternate days.
8. I sat down and worked out a training program/calendar and found out it is achievable. 

This so doable!  OK, so here it is.  I am accountable only to me.  I understand that I may have to compromise around family commitments but I just never ever give up.  Come the day of the big walk, the Bribie Island Bash, I am there, I am going for it.  Training or no training, no matter how good or bad I am, I am going to walk the beach for 30kilometres as quickly as I can.

Squeeeeee, whos with me?

My walking program – 30km!!
Weeks		Mon	Tues	Wed	Thurs	Fri	Sat	Sun
		PILATES 7:30pm	ALTERNATING SLOW/FAST	YOGA 7:30pm	SPEED  WALK & ZUMBA 6:30pm	CYCLE 6:00am	AQUA 9:30am	SLOW FORM	Weekly km total
12WBT – week 1	16/01/2012		4		5			7	16
2	23/01/2012		5		6			9	20
3	30/01/2012		5		6			11
4	6/02/2012		5		6			12	23
5	13/02/2012		6		5			7	18
6	20/02/2012		6		6			9	21
7	27/02/2012		6		7			11	24
8	5/03/2012		6		7			13	26
9	12/03/2012		6		5			9	20
10	19/03/2012		6		7			11	24
11	26/03/2012		6		7			13	26
12	2/04/2012		6		7			15	28
13	9/04/2012		7		6			11	24
14	16/04/2012		7		8			13	28
15	23/04/2012		7		8			15	30
16	30/04/2012		7		8			17	32
17	7/05/2012		8		7			13	28
18	14/05/2012		8		9			15	32
19	21/05/2012		8		9			17	34
20	28/05/2012		8		9			19	36
21	4/06/2012		9		8			15	32
22	11/06/2012		9		10			17	36
23	18/06/2012		9		10			19	38
24	25/06/2012		9		10			21	40
25	2/07/2012		9		9			17	35
26	9/07/2012		10		10			19	39
27	16/07/2012		10		11			21	42
28	23/07/2012		10		11			23	44
25	30/07/2012		10		11			19	40
26	6/08/2012		10		11			21	42
27	13/08/2012		10		11			23	44
28	20/08/2012		10		11			25	46
29	27/08/2012		10		11			21	42
30	3/09/2012		10		11			23	44
31	10/09/2012		10		11			25	46
32	17/09/2012		10		11			27	48
33	24/09/2012		10		15			23	48
34	1/10/2012		10		17			25	52
35	8/10/2012		10		19			27	56
36	15/10/2012		10		10			29	49
Bribie Island Bash	22/10/2012		10		5			30	45

Its 2012!

It has been a while since I have blogged and as I read others massive year in reviews and/or goals for 2012 I am overwhelmed with potential.  Potential to set new goals and reach them, to look back on the year just gone and pat myself on the back/berate myself for goals achieved/opportunities lost.  But I am not one for looking back unless it is to self reflect and work out how to do things better. 

One thing I know is I CAN do things better. 

2012 needs to be the year I rejoice in my achievements.  Which means I need to achieve and I will! 

2012 needs to be the year I stopping worrying about how hard it is and find ways to make my life easier.  Solution focused!  There is no doubt that an unreformed chocoholic will struggle with weight loss but it is time I controled the demons and got more serious. 

2012 is the year of solution and achievement!

So what do I want to achieve:   

1. A stable weight of 70-72kg
2. A waist measurement 80cm or less (this one should be fun!)
3. A lean, muscular, toned body to be proud of!  Not to show off (that should be fun too)
4. A house/home to be proud off, clutter free and calming
5. Happiness in my family and home and work

Are these measurable?  Will I know if Ihave achieved it?  Absolutely.  I need to plan for this and work towards the goals.  They will not just happen because I want them to.

How will I do this:

1. Rejoin 12wbt and complete lean and strong program
2. Plan my menus and track my food intake and take it seriously
3. Plan my exercise and enjoy my Christmas present at Goodlife 
4. Cut my pepsi max intake to 2 per day (afternoon and evening) and enjoy my tea and coffee more.
5. Go back to flylady and let her help me get my home organised and livable like it used to be.  No more CHAOS (Cant Have Anyone Over Syndrome) for me
6. Use my to do list at home & work and enjoy ticking off my accomplishments
7. Be a more supportive wife and mother (ok this could be difficult and the most challenging but I am ready to try harder this year).
8. Be the best version of me no matter where I am!

Good goals : Good plan

Yes I can do this, I am already on my way.  And no they are not NY resolutions.  NY resolutions don’t last beyond the first week.  This is the way I want to live my life this year.  I want to be happier and the only way to do that is to put myself back “in the drivers seat” (Michelle Bridges) and enjoy the journey.

Whose with me?

Whose your training buddy?

I was a cranky arse tonight, raining, stuck in traffic, people being stupid, cutting in, going up the wrong lane deliberately to go faster and then cutting in, pissed me off so much, so much ANGER!!  A lot of swearing, a lot of abuse going on from the inside of my car.  No one could hear but I was letting loose.  Those who know me, know I swear when I am training.  I swear a lot in training, I let a lot of shit out and then I go back to being ‘a good girl’ (no seriously I really do) but for that time during the training I let the anger drain from my body.  Exercise is really good stress relief and anger management.

Tonight I needed to hit something, which leads me to the question, whose your training buddy?  I used my punching bag, I skipped, I punched, I lifted weights until my arms screamed (and there was a coupld of little squealy moany noises from me too).  It helped and then Miss 10 wanted to be around me.  I hadn’t been swearing, I was thinking swearing though and there was Miss 10 saying you can talk to me mummy, about anything!  God Bless her, sound like anyone you know?  She sounded like me.  So I got her to hold the punching bag while I kneed it to death and then I gave her the pads and I punched, she got the hang of it, she was hitting back, it was fun.  She got quite good at it, she was flashing them at me so I had to think and then she would get me to do about 20 hits before hiding them and flashing them at me again.  Seriously, she is good at being my trainer.

Since Miss 11 is currently dancing, thats what she does Thursday nights.  From now on Miss 10 and I do boxing.  I have a training buddy! and I promise to curb the language.

Benefits of training and filling my tank:

1. anger management

2. stress relief

3. fitness

4. time with my training buddy (my daughter, Miss 10)

And they just keep coming.

Setting goals

When I started this weight loss game I set weight loss goals, lots of them.  First round I did I wanted to loose 5kg, did that in the first four weeks and panicked, lost another 2kg that round and felt great.  Each round after, for the next three rounds it was all about the weight loss and each one I hit, obtaining my goals and loosing weight.  Last round I thought I would take a bit of a rest and decided to maintain what I had achieved, I lost 1kg and was fine with that.

This is my sixth round, my goals were a bit wobbly at first.  My one month goal was to just be doing the Lean and Strong program, I did it, I didn’t like it but I didn’t it.  Not much of a goal really.

My twelve week goal reads:

LEAN AND STRONG – build those muscles and loose the body fat
run 15ks non stop

Like whatever, not much of a goal either apart from wanting to be able to run 15ks the other one is simply not measurable and is quite subjective.  It is much the same for six months -to run 18ks and then in 12 months to run a half marathon.  Seriously, there is no thought to these goals.  Sure I want to run a half marathon and plan to get there for the Gold Coast next year but if they are the only goals I can be bothered with what am I doing here.

Truth to tell, weight is no longer an issue.  I dont sit where I am supposed to but the doctor changed that goal for me to sit at 72kg, I wanted 68kg so we compromised with between 70 and 72kg as being a healthy weight for me.  last weigh in I was 74kg, 2kg from the doctors goal for me and tomorrow I will see if I have made progress on this.  Definitely in the 5kg to go range but seriously it just doesn’t have the same pull.  I dont really worry about the weight.

I should have liked a flat tummy and smaller waist.  This is a good goal to work towards but I never wrote it down because I thought it was impossible.  YOu can choose where the weight is going to come off of.  I would have liked to be muscular but I wasn’t having any fun and I realised I was quite happy with the muscles I have, in fact my ab strength is pretty good and I will continue to work on it.

I loved the Sparta work out we did the other week.  I wouldn’t mind improving my time and I intend to do that.  A new goal has been set.

But you wanna hear the best thing that happened tonight.  My brother, God bless him, just said he could do 15k in 2 hours with a 60kg pack.  I am like, bullshit big brother, you haven’t trained in 20 years!  He was adamant he could.  I think he is full of it.  In seven weeks I intend to hike 15ks with a 60kg pack.  Apparently I can do this on flat ground so I am thinking it is doable.  I intend to do it!  This is my major milestone goal.  I am training for the 15kg run by the end, then I shall hike the same distance with a 60kg pack.  By golly, I will show this big brother of mine that I am fit and strong, and his is 50 and unfit and getting a pot belly.  I love my brother to death, he is the best brother a girl can have but there is no way he could do that distance with that weight, but I can!!!!

Lets set the bar high and achieve our dreams.

Bikini ~ it is all in the mind

I was about 15 years old when I wore a bikini, it was back in the eighties before skin cancer and in the days of baby oil, and for me, the days of burnt skin till blister point.  We knew no better back then.

Today my togs/swimmers/bathers (for me they are togs but take your pick) were still not cleaned from the last day in the water. Surely Jason will get his shit together soon and go back to caring for the house (househusband with some more learning to do).  Here I was craving a day in the beautiful sunshine, with the promise of a 28 degree day all looked positive.  This morning I had wored out and Brooke had said she was headed to the beach, splendid, I would love that too, got home and Miss 10 suggested the beach, the stars were aligned, time to go to Kings Beach, Caloundra (quite frankly one of the most beautiful in the world and I have seen a few) BUT no togs. What to do?????  It was time for some truths in my life.

1. fatter people than me wear bikinis (just saying, their choice, no judgement)

2. younger people than me are not as muscular or healthy looking as me and they wear bikinis

3. older, browner, wrinkler people wear bikinis (my husband reminded me of that)

4. sunblock cares for your skin and we are past the days of burns and blisters

5. nothing is really holding me back except my own self image

It is a strange realisation, I can go swimming, I can wear what I like, no one actually cares.  I dont have to be thinner, muscular, younger, browner……..I can just be me.

There photos were taken today at King’s Beach, and dont worry, the flab is not lost on me, I see it, it is not fat, it is the flab left behind when the fat is gone.  I have that problem, most do when they go from size 24 to size 12.  I could have fixed it, I didn’t have to show this image but you know what, wearing a bikini is all the mind, when am I ready?  will I be ready? do I have the perfect body shape yet?  OR am I ok with who I am?

I am ok with who I am, I am the best version of myself with what I have right now.  I am 46 years old with four children.  I run 10ks, I lift weights, I box, I can hold a wall sit for 6 minutes, I can run 1k in under 5minutes, I astound myself with my fitness.  I have nothing to be ashamed of!

My joy – counting my blessings, counting them twice!

Another challenge from the beautiful ShrinkingKath is to find my JOY!  She said to count my blessings and find the things I can give myself that is not food related but rather bring me happiness, or in this case joy.  What makes me feel joyous?

1. To find the time to ‘just be’ in a beautiful moment outside, on the beach, in the bush, in the yard.  Sitting still and being calm with the sounds of life/nature all around me.  I rarely take the time to ‘just be in a moment’, always rushing around, never relaxing into something that special moments in time.  I learnt that from an indigenous lady.  I needed to be ‘doing’ and she looked at me all calmly with such a beautiful demenour and she said ‘just be in the moment’, most wonderful thing anyone could say.  This is a real treat, to give this to myself.  I actaully got a few of this moments on Friday while spending time with family on a river and then later on their country property.  Awesome.  Toasty by a fire, listening to poetry thinking it was early but no it was nearly 10pm, holy cow!  ‘Just Be in the Moment’.

2. Reading a Terry Pratchett disc world novel, they make me smile and sometimes laugh out loud.  In fact, no matter how many times I read them I still love every page!

3. Being a mum, maybe this should come first but being a mum is a difficult yet rewarding job.  Sometimes it can be a bit scary but I tell you when my kids laugh, or share a moment with me, that is pure heaven.

4. Running and Swimming.  Not overly good at either but they are so relaxing and empowering all at the same time.  They do not go on for long enough but they go for as long as I can manage!  Heres to increasing my distances.

5. Scrapbooking was something I did all the time and I would get lost in colour and patterns and memories.  It has been a while which is sad but my priorities changed and exercise became my focus.  One day I hope to achieve some balance and go back to enjoying my craft.

6. There are other joys in my life, husband, brother, sister in law, nephews, cousins, life long friends.  There are so many people that have blessed my life and add value to my being.  Love them but I dont find them relaxing, sometimes though but maybe more thoughtful, unless we reminisce or whatever.  Pick your moments to ‘just be’ in!

I guess what I really need to do then, to be truly happy, is to slow down and stop stressing.  I miss a peaceful slow paced life.

The importance of the 12wbt family

Just been considering the small pockets of 12wbt groups that have developed throughout the south east corner of Queensland and the rest of Australia!  The importance of these groups for me has been amazing.  I have made great friends, I have watched amazing transformations, I have watched people struggle but perservere no matter what, but most importantly I have been inspired, supported, pushed and loved in a way that can only come from people who understand where it is I have come from and what I want to be.  I was huge, no doubting it and the people I have met in this program know what it is like to be suffering the same health and self esteem issues that go with obesity.  Sure we all got there in different ways and sure some people were never obese but have suffered injury or just want to learn a better way of life.  Predominantly though, no matter what the reason you join 12wbt, the support is amazing.  I love the forums although they can be really overwhelming but there is something about that face to face group thing where friendships are forged along with muscles and fitness.

When I was scared of boxing due to my having experienced domestic violence, ok I had to work out what the problem was first but when I did, I shared it with my co-boxers.  There are no words to describe the support I recieved from those ladies after that, checking on me, caring about me, supporting me to work through it.  They didn’t have to, they truly care, and it is not just about me (I know I am cool), they care about their 12wbt family.

Sometimes the hardest bit is turning up to a bootcamp, or a boxing group or any group where 12wbters are.  It is scary when you are new and are not sure of your fitness level and not sure if you will know anyone and not sure if you should.  That first part, that is by far the hardest part.  Some of the groups are big and you feel like you are lost amongst a group of people with established relationships.  But truthfully, coming back the second time is easier and someone will recognise you and say hi, the third time you will be greeted by name and by the fourth you are one of the family.  Dont be scared, the support is amazing.

Leanne said to me that she was surprised that her one comment to me had made such a difference in my life.  Thats the thing, one word of encouragement, of truth, of a different point of view can change your perception of yourself, you training, you weight loss journey in a very positive way.  That is what you get from face to face stuff.

For those who are too far away to enjoy this companionship then stick to those forums and twitter away, you will make those same amazing friends.  Do not be a stranger, you are not alone anymore!  How many times have you sat at home, feeling isolated and alone and self medicated with food.  That is all over, now you can self medicate with your 12wbt family.

Oh and by the way there is always the crazy aunt or the wicked step sister, there is always someone in the family who will say something a little strange (often it is me) but they are usually well intentioned, this is your family now, let them support you they way they have supported me.

Perfectionism

Perfectionism is, in psychology, is a belief that perfection can and should be attained. In its pathological form, perfectionism is a belief that work or output that is anything less than perfect is unacceptable.  Perfectionism might sound like an admirable trait, but it’s often a cause of anxiety, depression and ruptured relationships.  I can tell you it is really stressful to be a perfectionist and tiring.

I have to say it, I have an issue with perfectionism.  I avoid failure by avoiding doing, sadly my husband does too.  Ouch.

As I was mucking around with my friend Diet Schmiet dietschmiet.wordpress.com talking about getting control back and racing her to loose 1kg by Wednesday weigh in I was struck by the fact that that is two days away AND if I loose I will feel dreadful and want to drown my pain and if I win I will want to celebrate (more than likely with liquorice).  So if I cant do it properly, with injury and all, why bother at all.  And that is the cry of the perfectionist.  If I cant do it right why bother.  Things become unbearably overwhelming.  Loosing weight at this point is overwhelming as I have lost so much the last five kilos are so freaking hard I have gained weight so I do not sit in my last five kilos, should be easier.  What the fuck am I thinking.  Where the hell does that head space come from.

Now if you want to see a true procrastinating perfectionist come on over, the house is in CHAOS (as flylady says that is Cant Have Anyone Over Syndrome).   If you are having this problem due to your perfectionism go visit this clever lady at http://www.flylady.net/  She has helped me to realise, and here is a biggy, JUST JUMP IN WHERE YOU ARE, which is not exactly what we are supposed to do with weight loss but with both weight loss and perfectionism you do need to set up routines.  Exercise has to be part of the daily routine or it gets left out AND if you are truly to be organised you do need to plan those meals.  So, here is the thing perfectionism gets in the way, you stop giving things a go, you stop trying, you are too worried about what others will say or think and everything seems so hard.

Tips for the perfectionist:

1) Define a goal

2) Break it down to managable parts

3) Plan plan plan your day/week to complete each part.  Never take on more than you can chew (little bits at a time is better than nothing at all)

4) Give yourself permission to fail and recognise that sometimes there is no right or wrong.

5) Reflect on failure and success (at work I call this reflective practice and I help others go through the process because I see the value – for others!)

6) And if it is possible try to recognise the beauty in inperfection.  So many of us are not perfect but we are beautiful, some from the inside out.

Now you can put this strategy into any part of your life, weight loss, fitness levels, housecleaning, parenting, anything. 

OMG I love what I have come up with, I wonder if I can do it too?