Perfectionism is, in psychology, is a belief that perfection can and should be attained. In its pathological form, perfectionism is a belief that work or output that is anything less than perfect is unacceptable. Perfectionism might sound like an admirable trait, but it’s often a cause of anxiety, depression and ruptured relationships. I can tell you it is really stressful to be a perfectionist and tiring.
I have to say it, I have an issue with perfectionism. I avoid failure by avoiding doing, sadly my husband does too. Ouch.
As I was mucking around with my friend Diet Schmiet dietschmiet.wordpress.com talking about getting control back and racing her to loose 1kg by Wednesday weigh in I was struck by the fact that that is two days away AND if I loose I will feel dreadful and want to drown my pain and if I win I will want to celebrate (more than likely with liquorice). So if I cant do it properly, with injury and all, why bother at all. And that is the cry of the perfectionist. If I cant do it right why bother. Things become unbearably overwhelming. Loosing weight at this point is overwhelming as I have lost so much the last five kilos are so freaking hard I have gained weight so I do not sit in my last five kilos, should be easier. What the fuck am I thinking. Where the hell does that head space come from.
Now if you want to see a true procrastinating perfectionist come on over, the house is in CHAOS (as flylady says that is Cant Have Anyone Over Syndrome). If you are having this problem due to your perfectionism go visit this clever lady at http://www.flylady.net/ She has helped me to realise, and here is a biggy, JUST JUMP IN WHERE YOU ARE, which is not exactly what we are supposed to do with weight loss but with both weight loss and perfectionism you do need to set up routines. Exercise has to be part of the daily routine or it gets left out AND if you are truly to be organised you do need to plan those meals. So, here is the thing perfectionism gets in the way, you stop giving things a go, you stop trying, you are too worried about what others will say or think and everything seems so hard.
Tips for the perfectionist:
1) Define a goal
2) Break it down to managable parts
3) Plan plan plan your day/week to complete each part. Never take on more than you can chew (little bits at a time is better than nothing at all)
4) Give yourself permission to fail and recognise that sometimes there is no right or wrong.
5) Reflect on failure and success (at work I call this reflective practice and I help others go through the process because I see the value – for others!)
6) And if it is possible try to recognise the beauty in inperfection. So many of us are not perfect but we are beautiful, some from the inside out.
Now you can put this strategy into any part of your life, weight loss, fitness levels, housecleaning, parenting, anything.
OMG I love what I have come up with, I wonder if I can do it too?
Great post Ruth. I also like the idea of applying it to a range of aspects of my life, cos like you, I’m pretty much the same in all of them.
Deb
That was rather inspired, I actually hadn’t thought about applying it to parenthood, I was ready to give up! My kids are killing me.
These words ring so true for me that my ears are aching. I love the strategies and will seek to apply them in my own perfectionistic-aly ridden life. I too am aiming for 1kg lost in two days. Let’s promise each other to reward ourselves without food and not even admonish ourselves if we can’t. Life is too short to flog oneself with missed marks. Aim high. There are millions of things to reach for even if the stars are too far away.
Did you get that loss? I am pretty happy to say I managed it. I think a lot of us are perfectionists but this is something we just have to keep fighting for because it is so worth it. Now what to reward a 2.1kg loss with?
Hi Ruth, I’m a visitor (and frequent reader of Deb’s blog) and wanted to drop by and give you some encouragement. Weight loss isn’t easy, neither is maintenance, but having kept my weight off for six years, I can tell you that it is worth it!
Cheers
Liz N (www.lastchancetraining.com.au)
Thanks for dropping by Liz N. I would love to keep the weight off for a life time. I am hearing you on the worth it and it isn’t something you realise until you actually start loosing the weight and keeping it off.
Told you your blogging would help you work yourself out! Great blog – I love your strategies. I will try and apply them! I am SUCH a perfectionist and feeling like a failure is basically part of me. I’d like to change that. I dont feel as if I have enough time to do everything/get everything/be everything … perfect. I work full-time and I give 100% there. I’m depleted when I get home … so home is not perfect, garden is not perfect, training is not perfect, parenting is not perfect, etc etc etc. Why are we (well me) so hard on ourselves? I think PLANNING is the key. I find that if I write things down they become more tangible and I feel more organised. All those *things* that I need to do are no longer flying around in my head getting me all flustered – they are words on a page that I can tick off when done.
Thanks Min, you are an inspiration yourself even if you dont realise it yet. I have so many lists of ‘to dos’ I could alphabatise them! cataglogue them even. Nonetheless I am good at planning most stuff.
Thank you! Makes me realise I am not the only person who is not achieving my own unrealistic expectations! JFDI is a great motto – however I simply aren’t able to JFDI everything I would like to achieve! Have signed up for the Flylady emails
Perfectionism gets you every time. So many of us got the way we are because it paralyses! Glad you found it helpful, you are definitely not alone.
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